Get Up Ash!

For two mornings in a row I have set my alarm clock, and two mornings in a row I have wakened before it. Yesterday I woke 25 minutes early, setting my alarm clock for 10 minutes before we needed to leave for work. Today I set my alarm 45 minutes early and woke up 1 minute before it went off. At least I got it right that time!

So why the early rising? I don't know, usually God tries to get me up, but I just roll on over and say, "good morning, glad your up, I'll just have a few more minutes." You see, some people just pop right up! No problem! The sun is up... they are up... all is well. Some of us are not wired that way. But God, none the less, wants our sleep. For us, it is more important, because we cherish it. And especially when God taps us on the shoulder and we roll over! Sleep has been one of those last things I've clung to. I've somehow justified it's hold on me until now but God is asking for it... how long could I resist? I don't really care to know.

The last two days, as I've not rolled over, I have woken to little flutters in my stomach. If you have ever experienced anxiety or severe anxiety as I have, this is translated as a symptom. But this morning a new idea struck me.

I'm in a place, where I am really unsteady and unsure, and where some of the harder parts of my past and present life are coming to surface again where I can't ignore them. And trusting God in these things has been a challenge for me. Giving these things to Him that I have told myself I can deal with, I can get over has been a challenge.

And I was reminded of something my mama di prayed over me a few days ago as I was headed to a very scary job interview. She prayed, "and those butterflies in her stomach that she is feeling... let her know that those are just a reminder that she needs to lean on You right now, Father, and trust in You."

But my sleep is not really the intention of this blog, though it is part of it. It is part of a total surrender. And recently, many of my ties and strings have been uncovered and illuminated for me to see and break. So today, when I woke to the gentle tap of God and I rolled not into the wall but out of bed and put my feet on the floor, I knew I wanted to just be with Him however He wanted. So I got up, threw some water on my face and grabbed my Bible. I have been in Psalms for the last month, as God has been teaching me about praise and prayer and worship, but today I wanted to look for a scripture that di had given me yesterday. I never did find it... but I did find Isaiah 32: 9-20. A scripture about my life's journey. A scripture in EXACT parallel with my story. How does He do that?!

The Women of Jerusalem

You women who are so complacent,
rise up and listen to me:
you daughters who feel secure,
hear what I have to say!

In little more than a year
you who feel secure will tremble;
the grape harvest will fail,
and the harvest of fruit will not come.

Tremble, you complacent women;
shudder, you daughters who feel secure!
Strip off your clothes,
put sackcloth around your waists.

Beat your breasts for the pleasant fields,
for the fruitful vines

and for the land of my people
a land overgrown with thorns and briers-
yes, mourn for all houses of merriment
and for this city of revelry

The fortress will be abandoned,
the noisy city deserted;
citadel and watchtower will become a wasteland forever,
the delight of donkeys, a pasture for flocks,

till the Spirit is poured upon us from on high,
and the desert becomes a fertile field,
and the fertile field seems like a forest.

Justice will dwell in the desert and righteousness live in the fertile field,

The fruit of righteousness will be peace;
the effect of righteousness will be
quietness and confidence forever.

My people will live in peaceful dwelling places
in secure homes,
in undistrubed places of rest.

Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely,

how blessed you will be,
sowing your seed by every stream,
and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.