Refocus!

I have a new blog on my heart this morning!

And from the weirdest thing... I forgot to pray over my meal this morning!!

I will go back a little before I go forward. I have been writing out the New Testament this Lent (a task that will continue far into the rest of the year!) because a mentor once told me that if you want to get to know Jesus, and be more like Him, read the gospels! And I commit so much more to memory and to heart when I write it, because I have to pay attention to it longer and I have a little bit of an attention issue sometimes. :)

But as I have been reading and writing I have realized something quite amazing. How many times Christ redirects the people's focus! They would come to Him and accuse Him (Yes! Accuse Jesus!) of sins according to the Law of Moses. For instance, a recent one, the Pharisees come to Jesus and say, "Why don't your disciples wash their hands before they eat?"

A good question... Any self respecting mother might ask the same question. But Jesus says, and I'm paraphrasing, why are you always focused on the body!! Why do you take those laws and translate them to the physical care of you body. He refocuses them! Redirects their attention to the spiritual side. He says, "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man "unclean"."

What a beautiful epiphany this could have been for those that wanted to hear it. The Laws were not being lived out to their fullest. They were not being experienced or understood to the depth they were created to be experienced and understood!

So fast forward a couple days and here I am this morning, forgetting to pray over my food. I ate it all up to! And then I was like, "Oh! Wow! I actually FORGOT to pray over my food!" Even Jesus thanked God for His food in Scripture. He thanked God, broke the bread and passed it out...

So my first thought was to pray over it now that it was in my stomach! That is my way! If one day time just stops and backs up so I can go back and do something I forgot, or fix something, I wouldn't be surprised, because I pray for it all the time. But I prayed for the food that was in my stomach already. I prayed that even though it went in unblessed, that God would bless it now! I know... I know. A little silly.

Then I thought about how many things have come into my body without first being blessed. I went a little deeper and thought about all the things in my life before I knew Christ, that I allowed into my body... through my eyes, my mouth. Things I let into my heart that weren't blessed. Things that hadn't left it yet. I asked God to come and clean there. To take the bad and make it good.

Then I thought, you know, Christ is my daily bread! There is this tradition to pray over the foods we eat, to thank God for them, bless them, and then eat them... I do this at least three times a day. Do I have a tradition set in my life that recognized Christ as my daily bread?! Do I actively think of it every time I go to the Word to fill up, or ask His assistance in my struggles or prayers for others? Do I thank Him? Bless Him? 3 times a day? 2 times a day? Once?

Honestly. No. I might thank Him for the Sunshine, or the food, or the job, but how often do I thank Him for Him? Sometimes. But is it something I am living in? Living out? A culture of gratitude and thanks for Christ, giver of life for the heart, soul, spirit? Not just the food and finances? Not just the body? And I realized, that this tradition of our culture may have deeper meaning. The Law wasn't bad when Jesus came, He even said that, it just wasn't fulfilled. The tradition isn't bad, to thank God for His provision in our daily needs, but it isn't fulfilled! If we refocus that tradition of gratitude from the body to the spiritual, it becomes so much more!

Christ offers so much more than food. Or water. Or four walls, a car and a job. He shows us how to Love. He shows us how to live. He gives us what is truly filling and worth living for... Himself!

Thank You, Jesus, for You! For You are my daily bread! Thank you God, for Your Word! For Love! For Your TRUTH, Your LIFE, and Your WAY! May it bless me. Bless my body. My heart. My soul. My spirit! God, You are Good! Thank You! In Jesus name, Amen!

No matter what

So today while talking with Di... Ok... Diving with Di... the greatest realization and reminder I encountered in her words was that all things are and should be recognized in our lives as sacred... We should not live a divided life where part of our day and our actions are secular and the others are sacred. All things we do should be considered sacred. We should walk through even the most tedious, mundane or seemingly trivial parts of our days, duties and relationships with a sense of intention and purpose to glorify God in ALL possible manners!

It put work in a different light for me before I got there and reminded me to pray that my work day would not feel or be lived out as if it were secular but rather in the knowledge that it is sacred!

It transformed my night! Transformed it! And every moment was an opportunity to pour out love on those that forgot that God is their Valentine... Their one and only True Love! :)

Happy Valentines y'all!

Winter jam

I'm here at the winter jam 2011... We are on the 20 minute "sponsor a baby" break. Biggest amen message of the night.... there is only one true God and He isn't black, white, man, woman, rebublican or democrat... He is simply God!!! And we are simply to Praise Him!!!

It is so encouraging when you stand in a room and see THOUSANDS of people on their feet standing up hands out voices straining to blow off the roof in an effort to honor God and show the world that sending the message of God IS BEYOND EXCITING!!!!!!

Day 17: Do you harbor anything...

Again I found myself in the need for forgiveness. There are times in my life, for one reason or another (one lame excuse or another really), that I judge the thoughts and actions of others. I interpret people's actions and then live by my interpretation, too afraid or insecure to ask the truth.

The problem is that it is impossible not to live in this if you never confront or search further, or just let go without interpretation! I found myself face to face with some of these poor choices and translations, and in need for some serious heart checking.

It was a tedious, but totally freeing day in the reality, the goodness and the unfathomable, undeserved blessing that is God's grace, mercy and FORGIVENESS.

Day 16: After All

I confess, I had no idea what this week would bring, but I knew that it would be a week of surrender and reflection. I thought I might first deal with those things I needed to forgive others for... to live out what Christ had shown us to do. But today was not about others. It was about me. It was about my stubbornness, and my inability to let God have every area of my life.

My broken marriage was something I had given to God, again and again, and had cried a lot of bitter tears over as I gave God all of my loss and pain and regret and broken dreams... but God challenged me further today. I am reading a book from a wonderful friend called Sacred Singleness. A book that discusses the potential in single life for doing the work and the ministry of God. As I read it, and it spoke time and again to girls and woman about surrendering that urge to force a love story and settle for somebody less than God's best, I thought, "No problem! Been there, done that. I don't have that urge at all! Single is where it's at!"

But God asked me if I would surrender my singleness if He sent me His best for me. And honestly, I would not have. I wrote marriage and earthly love stories off after my own ended. I somewhat understood others desire for it, somewhat, but as for me, I was done. One time was enough.

I have been very blessed to experience a life focused and centered on Christ the last few years. A life which I had surrendered for a worldly love at 18. I had chosen a life of fear, control, anger, manipulation, lies, sin... instead of my King. But God saved me still! When the world abandoned me and left me beaten and filthy He was there. He redeemed me when I was way beyond redeemable in my own book of rules for life.

And so today, with much sadness, I realized I didn't trust God to rewrite that part of my life. Even after all He did. I still clung to fear and bitterness...

So, if no person comes along and I get to focus the rest of my life on Christ alone, a right thing as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, that will be wonderful. But if He does send someone... if His will for my life is different than my own idea of best... I want to trust Him completely either way!

But I can't do that without His grace and forgiveness. So today I discovered forgiveness unexpected.

Day 15 - Trust God

I have been duped in my life, no doubt. No small amount of promises made to me have been broken. No small amount of lies have been revealed after their issuing, with heartbreaking results. No small amount of times have I been forgotten or misused, intentionally or unintentionally. This world has treated me harshly!! This girl has seen her share of suffering, from a plethora of people... And all of these dupes have taken a toll on me. I mean, it is wrong the things that have happened to me! Hurt and pain incomparable to physical beatings have ravished my soul and spirit over and over. And with each new time I realized that I have to "get wise". I must guard myself even more! I have to do what it takes not to get hurt like that again! I have to figure out how I can see it coming and then stop it! How can I avoid this pain?

Hold up! Why have you not let me take these things?

I tell You about everything, God! You have shown me that these things were wrong. They should never have happened, but that You can take my pain, You can comfort me. You heal me.

But there is more!

Tonight, when I took this week's word before God, and asked Him what He wanted to show me about forgiveness, He showed me I don't trust Him. Ok. I do struggle with trusting Him that is true. I look back at the blogs over the week and think about my hesitations this week and the anxieties I have had about His provision, though He showed up and provided time and time again... even though it didn't look like I thought it should every time.

And then it struck me that maybe I don't trust God because people have broken my trust so many times. Everyone experiences this to some degree, I have always acknowledged, but my life has seen a significant share of severe breaches of trust... from my upbringing, to my friendships, to my marriage.

But then I started to reflect on Jesus' life... and then, more specifically... His death. Jesus was totally betrayed. In fact, over and over again. And here is the significant part, He knew it was coming! My brain took a little bit of time really wrapping itself around that one. Because it didn't keep Him from taking every single step of obedience asked of Him by His Father. All the way to death! And what was the reason for His death? What would He suffer such a death for? The same people that betrayed Him or would... from friends like Peter who denied Him 3 times, to enemies like Saul, before he was Paul... from intentional betrayers like Judas, to unintentional betrayers like Thomas who should have trusted Him. To me.

How could he possibly have done it? Obedience? Yes. His Father said do it, so He did. But also, I think because Jesus was a man of forgiveness... in His life, in His death, and after He rose to live forever with God. He didn't allow a single betrayal to cause Him fear of the next. Betrayal or fear of, had no hold on Jesus. He didn't try to outsmart pain or suffering or keep from being misused or abused. He chose, rather, to forgive.

How many times I have let painful things and betrayal dictate my life. And here am I, at the foot of the cross, with the weight of the realization that I, in my protective, fearful and vengeful heart, have caused not only so many people in my life the same pain or hurt or betrayal that has been laid on me... but I have failed to trust my God!

Yet Proverbs 3:5 tells me to do exactly the opposite. It says: "TRUST in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean NOT on your own understanding." [Bold and caps added for emphasis.]

This isn't just good advice... this is the Word of God. Straight from the inspired writings of the wisest King to ever live. That is how to "get wise"!

I have forgotten that He is the only one that can Love me with an unfailing, unfathomable love... and that even if it doesn't look how I think would be best, He always provides for me exactly as I should be provided for.

I have not given Him full access to my wounds because I did not trust Him with them, or I thought I would not be justified in thinking my betrayers wrong! But how can I stop fearing pain, or avoiding it, trusting in God, if I don't forgive what has pained me? Even if it was wrong!? How can I stop fearing hurt, or avoiding it, trusting in the Lord, if I don't forgive those that have hurt me? Even if they were wrong?! How can I avoid paining and hurting others, if I don't relinquish the hold of pain and hurt in my life!?

I not only needed to ask for God's forgiveness tonight... but ask Him for the strength in grace, to forgive... fully. The full circle of Jesus' sacrifice.

And it strikes me, also, why an intimate relationship with my Savior, daily spending time with God, in His word and in prayer and in worship, is SO important... because I will likely be betrayed again. I will likely feel pain or hurt again. Maybe every single day. So again, I will have to give it to God... over and over and over and over and over and over... times infinity. And if I let it get a hold of me, even briefly, and cause me to stumble, or lose trust, I will have to ask forgiveness again! Over and over and over and over and over... times infinity.

I need to wear this Truth like a chain around my neck... or a giant billboard strung over my shoulders...

Like this dude! For all the world to see!

WEEK THREE'S WORD: FORGIVENESS

I can only imagine what things this week will bring... I have to admit, when God told me the word for this week, I was momentarily overwhelmed with what might lie ahead. But I enter it excited. It is funny... when I stop and think of what Redemption would have meant to me before this Lent, I would have said forgiveness first.

But connection and blessing came first when I inquired of God. Perhaps He wanted me to come to the understanding of our connection to everyone in the world, and the realization that we are called to be a blessing to each one of them, before He started me on this very unexpected path.

I was looking at the ceiling above my bed this evening, thinking about forgiveness when I noticed something about the very poor dry-wall and spackle job in that room. Out at the corners of the room the blemishes were such mysteries... were they gouges? Were they tears? Were they just little marks or huge misplaced globs of spackle? The dim lighting made it so hard to tell. It looked too unapproachable and overwhelming to even think of fixing it.

Right around the light, however, it wasn't so mysterious, though there were blemishes, none the less. The difference was, there were no shadows. In the light they could be seen for what they were and so taken care of accordingly if a willing and patient dry-waller were to come along...

And I realized that my sin is kind of like that. And much of my looming ideas about forgiveness. God is asking me to let my heart shine right under His light this week. And though He doesn't promise it to look blemish free, He will remove all the shadows and with much patience and care, help to fix my horrible attempt to fill the cracks and spackle over my marks in the dark.

And He has something to teach me, I'm sure, as we go.