Dark Night

I don't know why I cannot find the words to talk about all that circulates in my mind. It would be best if I could grab one thought and focus there but my mind seems to rebel against organization or clarity of any kind. It is as if my thoughts are spinning around in my mind and I have no ability to twirl with it but rather I am stuck in one spot, watching the thoughts go by, only able to observe and comment on what's in front of me. When it spins out of sight my mind moves on- and the thoughts are spinning so fast. It is this overwhelming confusion that keeps me from being able to write tonight, or to speak... It wasn't always like this... I hate to look back in order to observe this difference, but where did my ability to dance with my thoughts go? When? Will this ever pass? I have so much to say. So much to write. But I can't focus or grasp anything long enough to do either! It is how I know it is me and not God. God would never be so confusing! It is so dark right now. Can You not part the raging sea of thoughts, Lord? I long to hear You tonight. I love You. I miss Your voice. I feel like a child away from her papa... There is so much to occupy my mind or my time if I wish it. So many places I could go or people I could call or shows I could watch or games I could play... but I'd rather be right here Lord, anticipating You... I'd rather be alone in the dark waiting for You if that is the only place I will find You... rather here, pounding the floor, crying out for You, than anywhere else. Even the thought of how Your presence feels, what Your voice sounds like, how Your grace has saved me from my misery and my wretchedness, is enough to comfort my soul. I need nothing but You. Even in this night's darkness, the light of all You have done and all that You are turning to Your will and Your good is bright enough to sustain me. Your will be done... this heart is completely and utterly Yours. I withhold nothing. Take it all. I have nothing left worth holding on to... only You. My eyes are fixed into the darkness, my ears tuned to hear only You...