I am at the END of this day... some nights come too fast and I find myself up into the night because I'm not ready to let it pass... some nights, I am ready for the day's close. I am ready to fall asleep and see what dreams and the new light of tomorrow morning will bring. Tonight I am ready for this day to end. I could lie and say every moment is bright and full of unabounding bubbles and sunshine! Or I could wash the cosmetics from my heart and realize that I have not yet overcome all that I long to overcome. I have not yet learned all that I dream of learning. I know, Jesus, that you are there. And that is progress! TRUE progress. Even in my gloomier moments I feel You beside me. It is my sustaining joy and comfort, though it doesn't always manifest itself in laughter and lightheartedness. Knowing You are there regardless of my present state. This was not always true of my past. In fact this was never true of my past! You were there and I failed to know it. I refused to see You.
I am sorry I didn't want to write tonight, Papa. I didn't feel like I could. I felt that block that has stopped me so many times. But I am here anyway. I write anyway... I give you all my heavy load Jesus... and pray for peace and renewal tonight as I sleep. I admit I cannot fix everything, every one, every problem around me... I acknowledge my inability... And I hand over all my "teeth-gritting strength", God, that You might transform it into an "inner strength that come from You"... that it might reveal Your grace...
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