It is AMAZZZZZING how easily negativity crawls right into our lives, unnoticed, unchecked, and slowly starts to warp our outlook. In this day and age it literally takes zero seconds to find it. Talking to people we have to dodge dart after dart of complaints, problems, gossip. Turn on the TV or radio, flip open the newspaper or a magazine, switch on the internet and woooooosh, a world of bad news awaits your perusal. It is a difficult world, in the midst of a careless, desensitized generation, and these are scary, dangerous times.
But we have a choice what we feed ourselves. When we have to deal with difficult people at work, we can try to select positive filling friends and family to spend off time with. When we have to deal with hard, frustrating circumstances during the day then the last thing we need to see after work is some heart breaking 11 o'clock news or a suspenseful murder mystery.
I once heard this great concept about dealing with people in tricky situations. If you need to talk to someone about something, or confront them with difficult issues, then make sure that you say 8 positive things before the 1 difficult thing. The hard to hear will not fall on such hard, cold stone if we put a nice soft landing down first! And I thought tonight... this should be applied to everything! It doesn't have to be 8 to 1. Lets say 3 to 1. That would be adequate enough to test out my idea. If someone brings us bad news, or a stressful topic enters our day or our mind, we can find 3 good things to break its fall before we "chew" it. Or if we are about to read an article on Yahoo News, and it looks like it might have some negative subject matter, we can stop and read 3 great success stories first... or think of 3 great things that Jesus did today!
And, we can do others the favor too. If we have some bad news we heard and we want or need to share, we can give them 3 positive things first. If we have something critical or difficult to say about somebody, then we can try to have 3 positive things to say about them first. It might keep us off that fine line of gossip too!
I don't know. I just realized today, how many times my mind is infiltrated with heavy topics or burdens or thoughts... and not typically because I sought it, but because it somehow entered my day. And often we can push past it without too much effort... but what about those other times? What about those times when we are in a darker season of our walk, and our load is a little heavier than usual?
Its just something I thought was kind of cool for me to do. I'm gonna try it tomorrow!
Off to sleep! Thanks Papa for an amazing day! You are so incredible!!! And I POSITIVELY, absolutely ADORE You, God!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Day 34: Late night reflections
I have waited until almost midnight to start this blog... which makes me... tired! Haha. But this is my discipline, my devotion and my fast! And, I had some pretty cool experiences that I've decided to just journal... like in old past diaries! Where you just talk about the day and do a play by play of what happened. It will be in that fashion... maybe!
Well today started with week 2 of Mommy and Me, a program we are doing at SOAR in BSL, designed to assist children developmentally and give parents the tools necessary to not only be good at interacting and helping their children, but also in being good advocates for their children in school! Very cool. And it was just really amazing to realize that there were two giants in the child education and development feild sitting in the same room, talking around the same table, discussing issues that have been circulating the education system for years and having real, solid, graspable solutions and intelligent assessments about these challenges! I was once again reminded of an amazing opportunity that I am standing in the midst of, and I have to say, my arms are outstreched wide ready to pull in anything they are willing to offer and teach me. Plus I got to watch baby Hunter interact with the world and that is always a fascinating, miracle of an experience!
Then, later today, Brother Dominic stopped by to ask Morgan about a question she had asked him earlier on his voicemail. He had his hand on the door and was wrapping up his "hello-goodbye" as he asked us how our day went. Suddenly it was three hours later and we had touched on an uncountable number of intriguing discussions and philosophies and topics. We talked about SOAR and all of our programs. We talked about the city and how city government works, which trickled into state goverment and kept going past federal government all the way into the current economic status of our nation. Brother shared an incredibly intelligent and very well articulated philosophy on American life and the current state of the average American physically, emotionally and spiritually, and he gave me some interesting ideas on things to write about in the future.
But the most profoundly impacting part of our discussion was listening to his testimony about being in the Vietnam refugee camps and the poverty and oppression and hopelessness he had come out of because there was no freedom or opportunity there. He said, "When I first came to America I was so sad." It took me back a little. I would have thought he would be absolutely exstatic to be away from there, and sad was not how I had heard the "promise land" spoken of before; but what he said will stick with me forever. He said that when he was in the refugee camps and there was nothing there and all you wanted was to have the resources, the money and the influence to get out, to help your friends and family and to make a difference, America had always been such a dream of all of those things. But when he got here and he saw all of the freedom that we wasted, and saw what we chose to do with our lives, and how we squandered our time and our money and our purpose, he said he was just so sad.
In Vietnam, when a child is smart and blessed enough to make it into one of the few colleges in the country, the entire family goes to work to support that student. And that student becomes a doctor or an engineer or something amazing so that they can be successful, make it out and help their family. In America, we can all go to school if we want. And when the going gets rough we drop out or change our major or only take one course a term. We take such advantage of our opportunites! I felt a little pull on my own heart when I thought about the choices I have made with my opportunities... and the ones that still sit out there... unused.
Then tonight, we went and sat with Di and talked and conversed, and she shared her own experiences of healing and realization over the last couple of weeks. And I realized after a few interesting stories and discussions tonight, that I have some healing of my own that I need to deal with. UGH. And that there are things that I thought were gone that aren't. We talked about "pink eyes", which are better than "rose-colored glasses", because we can take glasses off, but our eyes are in there! Pink eyes is an expression to describe a steady optimism and bright sided view on the hardships of life and the misgivings of the world. And I have prayed for pink eyes since I realized that I am still only wearing the glasses, taking my "pink" off in some of those more painful areas of my life. So I kind of came face to face with some of my own "issues". And that was... kinda frustrating, kinda relieving.
So overall it was just a "kick ya in the butt" kinda day, that was really intense sometimes, but really really cool!
So there. That was my day! Now GOODNIGHT! :D haha
Well today started with week 2 of Mommy and Me, a program we are doing at SOAR in BSL, designed to assist children developmentally and give parents the tools necessary to not only be good at interacting and helping their children, but also in being good advocates for their children in school! Very cool. And it was just really amazing to realize that there were two giants in the child education and development feild sitting in the same room, talking around the same table, discussing issues that have been circulating the education system for years and having real, solid, graspable solutions and intelligent assessments about these challenges! I was once again reminded of an amazing opportunity that I am standing in the midst of, and I have to say, my arms are outstreched wide ready to pull in anything they are willing to offer and teach me. Plus I got to watch baby Hunter interact with the world and that is always a fascinating, miracle of an experience!
Then, later today, Brother Dominic stopped by to ask Morgan about a question she had asked him earlier on his voicemail. He had his hand on the door and was wrapping up his "hello-goodbye" as he asked us how our day went. Suddenly it was three hours later and we had touched on an uncountable number of intriguing discussions and philosophies and topics. We talked about SOAR and all of our programs. We talked about the city and how city government works, which trickled into state goverment and kept going past federal government all the way into the current economic status of our nation. Brother shared an incredibly intelligent and very well articulated philosophy on American life and the current state of the average American physically, emotionally and spiritually, and he gave me some interesting ideas on things to write about in the future.
But the most profoundly impacting part of our discussion was listening to his testimony about being in the Vietnam refugee camps and the poverty and oppression and hopelessness he had come out of because there was no freedom or opportunity there. He said, "When I first came to America I was so sad." It took me back a little. I would have thought he would be absolutely exstatic to be away from there, and sad was not how I had heard the "promise land" spoken of before; but what he said will stick with me forever. He said that when he was in the refugee camps and there was nothing there and all you wanted was to have the resources, the money and the influence to get out, to help your friends and family and to make a difference, America had always been such a dream of all of those things. But when he got here and he saw all of the freedom that we wasted, and saw what we chose to do with our lives, and how we squandered our time and our money and our purpose, he said he was just so sad.
In Vietnam, when a child is smart and blessed enough to make it into one of the few colleges in the country, the entire family goes to work to support that student. And that student becomes a doctor or an engineer or something amazing so that they can be successful, make it out and help their family. In America, we can all go to school if we want. And when the going gets rough we drop out or change our major or only take one course a term. We take such advantage of our opportunites! I felt a little pull on my own heart when I thought about the choices I have made with my opportunities... and the ones that still sit out there... unused.
Then tonight, we went and sat with Di and talked and conversed, and she shared her own experiences of healing and realization over the last couple of weeks. And I realized after a few interesting stories and discussions tonight, that I have some healing of my own that I need to deal with. UGH. And that there are things that I thought were gone that aren't. We talked about "pink eyes", which are better than "rose-colored glasses", because we can take glasses off, but our eyes are in there! Pink eyes is an expression to describe a steady optimism and bright sided view on the hardships of life and the misgivings of the world. And I have prayed for pink eyes since I realized that I am still only wearing the glasses, taking my "pink" off in some of those more painful areas of my life. So I kind of came face to face with some of my own "issues". And that was... kinda frustrating, kinda relieving.
So overall it was just a "kick ya in the butt" kinda day, that was really intense sometimes, but really really cool!
So there. That was my day! Now GOODNIGHT! :D haha
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Day 33: Conversation Conversion!
My sister and I had a wonderful talk tonight about everything... we always do. We are extremely good at conversation together. We talk, and listen and care about what each other is feeling and thinking and saying. We give each other time to think and breath and cry if need be. We are patient with each other, looking for ways to patch in lost words or finish sentences. We translate each other's movements and can feel each others moods. We laugh and cry and whisper and talk loud. She is the best conversationalist I have ever known. We are totally open and honest and deep and real with each other in a way we can't be with anyone else. When we talk it is as if we never stopped one conversation... it is simply that life carried us off and we are getting back to the already existing exchange.And I realized that I long to converse with Jesus this way. Even more deeply in fact. I want to be able to remain in constant conversation with Him. To never have to pick up where we left off because we never left off! Father Jason said today that one of the greatest facilitators in our growth and understanding is conversation... and Jesus is the best conversationalist we can possibly wish to have.
I think it is wonderful that God has given me someone that displays His love in this way. One of my greatest desires is to learn how to "pray unceasingly"! To learn how to direct my life toward God, however dramatic or subtly the moment allows, but toward Him always. If He is always in my thoughts and my heart is desiring to draw nearer to Him, to be more like Jesus, then everything I do and say and think will become prayer. A never ceasing conversation that is more deep than any I have had. Where I am open and listening and translating His movements. Where we laugh and cry and whisper and talk loud. Where He knows me better than myself and shows me how to be better and better. Where I can tell Him anything and He can tell me anything! Where we finish each others sentences... if my sister and I can talk this way, it must be even more possible with Jesus!
And imagine what all of my conversations would look like if the one conversation that really mattered and made a difference in my life were always in progress! Every person I met along the way would simply be entering into an already existing conversation, that never loses interest and promises to bring life!
Cool night! Teach me how to converse with You like this, Jesus!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Day 32: Show me...
So many times a day I get into an unfixable, untalkable, unmaneuverable moment. There are no perfect words... in fact, there is no perfect silence. There are no semi-good words or silences! I am stuck. I am at a loss. Some people seem never to enter these moments... or they seem to always know exactly what to do when they come... so I think they are either as wise as Solomon, or the best actors I have ever know. I am not one of these people. I seem always in the midst of some unexpected perplexing predicament.
Some days I know such unbelievable hope, that I feel as though these things will never bother me again! But... some times, like tonight, the only thing that I wonder is, how could I have done today better? It's not a question sprung from anger... not even frustration or despair... I just long to know how and when some of these... more perplexing predicaments of life will be easier, let a lone avoidable or possible to approach at all.
Show me, God. If I am standing in my own way, which I know I am in more ways that I can see or fathom right now, and keeping myself from growth, search my heart oh, God... and show me Your ways. Show me what I need to see and understand, to overcome the confusion and the loss of the "unfixable" moments.
To change you really have to want to change... and it is a bigger prayer than people think it is... but I, again, with DEEPER sincerity and understanding of what I am asking, and with a more completely willing heart, pray, God, that You show me what You want from me... what do You want me to see? learn? give up? practice? do? change? whatever?! ALL of me, is Yours to do with whatever You want, Jesus! show me...
Some days I know such unbelievable hope, that I feel as though these things will never bother me again! But... some times, like tonight, the only thing that I wonder is, how could I have done today better? It's not a question sprung from anger... not even frustration or despair... I just long to know how and when some of these... more perplexing predicaments of life will be easier, let a lone avoidable or possible to approach at all.
Show me, God. If I am standing in my own way, which I know I am in more ways that I can see or fathom right now, and keeping myself from growth, search my heart oh, God... and show me Your ways. Show me what I need to see and understand, to overcome the confusion and the loss of the "unfixable" moments.
To change you really have to want to change... and it is a bigger prayer than people think it is... but I, again, with DEEPER sincerity and understanding of what I am asking, and with a more completely willing heart, pray, God, that You show me what You want from me... what do You want me to see? learn? give up? practice? do? change? whatever?! ALL of me, is Yours to do with whatever You want, Jesus! show me...
Friday, March 27, 2009
Day 31: This crazy fast
I remember tonight why God gave me this fast... because it is so hard some nights! And if it weren't for this discipline there are many nights that I wouldn't even attempt to push past my writer's block and write anyway. Some of the most revealing nights of my fast have been a result of pushing past myself and finding God there. I have always had this OBNOXIOUS habit of getting between God and me...
The biggest challenge has been writing even at the end of a long day when I'm tired and my brain seems to have checked out. But even there I have noticed a purpose... so many of these daily entries, as I look back, are full of heart... perhaps because my brain has been at the end of its working rope. My thoughts have not been overpowering, but rather, the things that surface are matters of the heart.
Other lessons of the fast:
I need meat. I long for it. I need protein packed sustenance. There are just so many vegetables and carbs a person can consume before they realize they need more. Veggies are the vitamins and fibers. Carbs are the sweets. And meat gives us nourishment and minerals. A balance of all are important. Just like... OUR SPIRITUAL LIFE... are you surprised?
I need to take more from my spiritual life than just the fillers or the sweets or the easy to digest. There are also those things that build spiritual muscle. The spiritual "meats", full of life building "proteins" that my spirit longs for more of. This fast has been about my need for more.
My need to go deeper.
The biggest challenge has been writing even at the end of a long day when I'm tired and my brain seems to have checked out. But even there I have noticed a purpose... so many of these daily entries, as I look back, are full of heart... perhaps because my brain has been at the end of its working rope. My thoughts have not been overpowering, but rather, the things that surface are matters of the heart.
Other lessons of the fast:
I need meat. I long for it. I need protein packed sustenance. There are just so many vegetables and carbs a person can consume before they realize they need more. Veggies are the vitamins and fibers. Carbs are the sweets. And meat gives us nourishment and minerals. A balance of all are important. Just like... OUR SPIRITUAL LIFE... are you surprised?
I need to take more from my spiritual life than just the fillers or the sweets or the easy to digest. There are also those things that build spiritual muscle. The spiritual "meats", full of life building "proteins" that my spirit longs for more of. This fast has been about my need for more.
My need to go deeper.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Day 30: Little drummer girl
I love Christmas music... always have. It is probably one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season. My favorite Christmas song, like even as a really young girl, has always been Little Drummer Boy. Ever heard that one?
Ba rumpa bump bummm...
It's about a little boy with nothing to give to the new born baby Jesus. No silver or gold or jewels or expensive spices or scents. No fine fabrics, no livestock, nothing of significant worldly value. Just a poor boy with a drum. In all his humility the boy still comes to Jesus... despite what the world might have to say about him. Despite what they might think. Though he had nothing to place at the feet of Jesus. He still came...
And he offered what he had. He offered his talent. He offered to play his best for Jesus. He offered to PLAY HIS HEART OUT FOR JESUS! And he did! And what was the reception? Jesus smiled...
:) What a cool song.
I remember I would run around the house as a kid with a pot in one hand, a spoon in the other, singing Little Drummer Boy at the top of my lungs; driving my mother crazy I'm sure. And sometimes when I close my eyes I can still see me, pot in hand, marching around the house. And sitting here tonight I imagine that I am often still just a poor girl, with no gift fit for a King, with a pot for a drum and wooden spoon for a drum stick, playing my heart out for Jesus. I just hope that when I'm done... He smiles.
Good night my King... ba rumpa bump bum... :)
Ba rumpa bump bummm...
It's about a little boy with nothing to give to the new born baby Jesus. No silver or gold or jewels or expensive spices or scents. No fine fabrics, no livestock, nothing of significant worldly value. Just a poor boy with a drum. In all his humility the boy still comes to Jesus... despite what the world might have to say about him. Despite what they might think. Though he had nothing to place at the feet of Jesus. He still came...
And he offered what he had. He offered his talent. He offered to play his best for Jesus. He offered to PLAY HIS HEART OUT FOR JESUS! And he did! And what was the reception? Jesus smiled...
:) What a cool song.
I remember I would run around the house as a kid with a pot in one hand, a spoon in the other, singing Little Drummer Boy at the top of my lungs; driving my mother crazy I'm sure. And sometimes when I close my eyes I can still see me, pot in hand, marching around the house. And sitting here tonight I imagine that I am often still just a poor girl, with no gift fit for a King, with a pot for a drum and wooden spoon for a drum stick, playing my heart out for Jesus. I just hope that when I'm done... He smiles.
Good night my King... ba rumpa bump bum... :)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Day 29: Confirmation is coming!
Today Chiquita, my RCIA teacher, gave me such a glimmer of excitement and joy for my impending confirmation that it is the only thing that comes to mind as I meet God tonight. We came in and sat down and she looked around the room, silently, with a big grin on her face and said, "we are nearing the end of this journey, class!" And I was so encouraged in the direction that God is leading me.
But it was when she described to us the experience of our first communion, and her typically even personality burst into a joyous pose and she cupped her hands in front of her and described the first receiving of bread and the feeling of utter closeness with God as you take part in the Eucharist for the first time, that I felt such a renewed comfort and peace in my journey. A happiness spread over the entire room and a shared anticipation to take the awe inspiring, mysterious Eucharist fell over everyone of the candidates. Rhonda said, "Oh I'm gonna be dancing up the aisles." And we practiced a little in our excitement and laughed, and I was so glad... glad to be where I am, surrounded by those that God has surrounded me with, surprised at where my willingness to obey God has brought me, ecstatic to be blessed to be part of the only church I have ever met God so completely, thoroughly and powerfully at, and at total peace despite my inner curiosities and inquiries of my future.
What a wonderful, unpredictable ride this life with Christ is turning out to be!
But it was when she described to us the experience of our first communion, and her typically even personality burst into a joyous pose and she cupped her hands in front of her and described the first receiving of bread and the feeling of utter closeness with God as you take part in the Eucharist for the first time, that I felt such a renewed comfort and peace in my journey. A happiness spread over the entire room and a shared anticipation to take the awe inspiring, mysterious Eucharist fell over everyone of the candidates. Rhonda said, "Oh I'm gonna be dancing up the aisles." And we practiced a little in our excitement and laughed, and I was so glad... glad to be where I am, surrounded by those that God has surrounded me with, surprised at where my willingness to obey God has brought me, ecstatic to be blessed to be part of the only church I have ever met God so completely, thoroughly and powerfully at, and at total peace despite my inner curiosities and inquiries of my future.
What a wonderful, unpredictable ride this life with Christ is turning out to be!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)