Day 4 - Tina

Warning: Today's is long!

Heather and I were late getting into town today... we didn't leave until almost 4 so I was thinking about my fast, a little anxious that I might not be able to find someone to reach out to today. I also started a really horrible antibiotic for a stomach infection I have so I wasn't feeling very good, and was hoping and praying that the condition of my belly wouldn't effect the condition of my heart... or my eyes!

We got to Depoe Bay, about 3 miles down the road and were surprised to see that the town was packed! Almost every parking spot was filled and there were people everywhere. We were just driving through, headed for Newport to go to Saturday mass, but we were having fun looking at all the busyness. Near the end of town there were 3 women standing on the seawall watching the waves and we both instantly recognized them. We had taken a picture of them at another beach in Lincoln City a few week before, and remembered their faces. We laughed at how memorable they were and at seeing them twice in the same month in two different places. Weird!

We got about a mile up the road and I had a fleeting thought that it would be fun to talk to them... and then a pang of anxiety at the prospect of actually doing it... "We should turn around, Heath."

Only seconds before we had seen them I was thinking and praying to God... I hope I can be a person that You can always count on to reach out to someone on Your heart! I want to be like Bonnie and Di. I want you to know that You can just use me if you need! So when I was afraid to walk up to them I thought, what if God wants me to! And I'm to afraid to do it! Heather said, "I was thinking we should talk to them too!" So we turned around and almost instantly got a parking spot, which was a miracle in itself. We got out of the car and walked to where they were sitting, but they weren't there.

It didn't throw me off this time though. I think I knew they wouldn't be there, but I wanted to show myself that I WOULD go and talk to them if God said to! I wanted to overcome that fear that hit me... that fear that I HATE! So, I have every assurance that going back and getting out of the car was the Holy Spirit, but as much assurance that it wasn't my Lenten offering missed, nor was it ever.

We decided to follow our noses to a little restaurant where we could smell the clam chowder and garlic bread from across town. In the end I realized that clam chowder and garlic bread are not good choices for stomach infections, but fortunately that didn't keep me from enjoying it at the time. And the extra 45 minutes we took there had some significance in where, and more specifically when we were at other places later.

We got back in the car and drove the remaining 15 miles to Newport to go to church, but it was only 4:30 when we got there, giving us an hour before mass started. We decided to get Starbucks while we waited and drive around. We ended up at this cute little grass park on a cliff overlooking the ocean. When we rolled up there were a few people in the grass but just us parked... but within five minute there were cars on every side of us and the spot was packed. I felt the nearing of my offering. A strange sense that God gives me that helps me to overcome whatever nervousness I might have when I am actually in the midst of his assignment for the day. What a dance this is I am realizing as I write this! I love God!

My drink wasn't feeling very good on my stomach so I decided to abandon it and get out of the car. Heather had her camera so she took the opportunity to get some ocean pictures while I walked around looking for whatever God's Eyes were on. Everyone that had been there a minute before had suddenly vanished. The street parking was filled but nobody was in the park. There was a little round building with a tall square dome top... silly looking thing. The door was open so I thought everyone might be checking something out in there. As I got closer I heard music playing and thought how nice that the park officials had set up speakers for anyone that wanted to find refuge in this little building.

But as I got to the door I thought, that is the prettiest voice I have ever heard. I had never heard this person. She had this high, melodious voice that just seemed to drift right up to Heaven. I wanted the CD.

I noticed that inside the roof was shaped to make an echo and looked all over to see where they had set the speakers up to make it sound so clean. I couldn't see anything so I stepped further in and noticed a little girl asleep on a bench right in the middle of the room, and a man sitting looking up at the ceiling on another bench perpendicular to the girl's. I smiled at them, thinking how adorable that they were just enjoying sitting there and listening to the music. I continued to look for the source of the music. I still couldn't see any speakers.

I stepped one more step into the room and stopped in utter, jaw-dropping-amazement when I noticed a little 80 year old woman in a red sweater and baggy faded jeans leaning against a column that had been hiding her tiny form until then... it can't be! I stepped in another step to see her eyes were fixed up but closed and her mouth was without a doubt issuing the amazing voice that sounded as if trained by choirs of angels themselves. The man caught my movement and looked over at me. He smiled. I could barely return the smile. I was overcome! I thought at first that it might be awkward for her if she realized I was listening but I couldn't leave. I sat against a column across from her and just leaned my head back to listen. She sang about a road that led to heaven. Marked with beautiful trees and flowers and grass... and in the distance Jesus waited for the singer.

A tear ran down my face before I realized it. I was thinking about the last 4 days, and the last month. I thought about my Nan who passed away on the 7th of this month. The song ended and I caught the tear, wiped my eyes and turned to see the woman's face. She was also crying. The man next to her, her youngest son I found out, said, "Echo made that neat." She smiled.

"You have a beautiful voice," I told her. She turned to me, not even slightly surprised to see a complete stranger sitting there. "Where did you learn that song?" I asked.

"I don't know I guess. On an album somewhere. There is another one. It was from a lover to his love but I always sing it to Jesus."

And she just started to sing it. "Whenever I see a rainbow in the sky, I think of you..."

Her voice was so beautiful. I just sat and stared. The little girl got up while she was singing and came to sit next to her. Her name was Calia. It was the woman's granddaughter I discovered. When the song was over the woman sat quiet for a minute and then opened her eyes real slowly. There was a sadness in them.

"Where did you learn to sing like that?"

She laughed. "I don't know I guess. Choir in church as a girl I guess. I used to sing all the time. Then one day my silly brother brought a phonograph and recorded me. I heard my high voice like that and I loathed it so I didn't sing for years! I would sing real low and quiet but not much. Then about seven years ago I sang real high for someone and he said I had a real nice voice and I started singing again. Have been since." Her face lit up. "Wanna hear another?"

"PLEASE!" Ask her what she needs you to pray for her. This was about when Heather had finished with her pictures and came in.

She sang two more, taking a few moments to talk with us in between each, before her family started to get very anxious to be moving on. "Can I hug you?" I asked her. She smiled, "Sure," she said. The family started to move toward the door. They were hungry and ready to get back on the road toward home, about 3 hours away. When they had all left the building and were in the grass outside and she was alone with me I stopped her. "I pray every night you know. Is there anything I can pray for you?"

She looked up at me a little surprised but very serious and said, "Well, ya know, to be honest, I have been real depressed lately."

"Oh!" I said... my heart actually hurt when she said it. Like an ache. "Can I pray for you right now?" I asked gently. I wanted to tell her she was wonderful and that she was a blessing and so loved by God and so many and that God wanted to minister to her and walk with her in the difficult world that she currently found herself, but I didn't have the words. I didn't want her to leave without knowing those things though and I knew the Holy Spirit would give me words in prayer.

"Ok." She said. I audibly sighed in relief I'm pretty sure. "What's your name?"

"Tina."

I wrapped Tina up in my arms and she melted into me. She needed a Jesus embrace, I could tell. She grasped my hand tightly and reached out for Heather's hand who was standing a little off to the side praying for me. I started to pray for her... and then Jesus just came and engulfed her! I can't describe this part. He swept her up and I just sort of watched. It was so surreal to be part of it but on the outside of it... somehow. When I had finished praying for her she hugged me really tight for almost a minute and then she said thank you, and we went our separate ways.

You love that woman a lot God. Wow.

Heather and I got back in the car and just cried for like five minutes. It was time for church. We were going to be late and almost didn't go but we both just felt like we needed to be there. In service I asked God to forgive me for doubting Him ever. For doubting His love ever. For doubting that He would help me find just the right person for my Lenten fast.

Trust me, Raindrop!

I prayed for all the people God had crossed my path with in the last 4 days... in awe and wonder I lifted them up to Jesus.

The last song reminded me of the word he has given me for this week: CONNECTION.

The song was a hymn. Hymn #594 in our hymnals:

Companions on the Journey

We are companions on the journey,

breaking bread and sharing life,

and in the love we bear is the hope we share,

for we believe in the love of our God.

For we believe in the love of our God.

No longer strangers to each other,

no longer strangers in God's house,

we are fed and we are nourished

by the strength of those who care.

By the strength of those who care.

We have been gifted with each other,

and we are called by the Word of the Lord,

to act with justice to love tenderly,

and to walk humbly with our God.

To walk humbly with our God.

We will seek and we shall find,

we will knock and the door will be opened,

we will ask and it shall be given,

for we believe in the love of our God.

We believe in the love of our God.

We are made for the glory of our God,

for service in the name of Jesus,

to walk side by side with hope in our hearts,

for we believe in the love of our God.

We believe in the love of our God.

I thought of Tina... Roxanne and Kate... the vanishing man... Timothy. And all the people that we break bread with on this journey...

I am humbled. And so blessed. Thank you Father who Loves me. Thank you Jesus who Saves me. Thank you Holy Spirit who Leads me. I love you.