Day 6 - The Woman With the Story

Apparently, one of the side effects of the antibiotics I am on is extreme dizziness and wooziness. I woke up today extremely tired and struggling to wake myself. When I stepped out of bed I side-stepped a little before I found my balance. Finally I roused myself, checked my e-mail, did my stuff, woke my sister and got Charlie the dog, ready to go into town and get bathed.

I drove, which is a horrible truth I care not reflect on except to thank God for His protection. Heather and I washed Charlie, poor guy, and got him a hamburger for putting up with our strange need to have a clean and good smelling dog. Something beyond his understanding. We had a few stops to make along the way but I suddenly didn't feel much like making them. As we got close to the house even Heather was concerned about how I looked. She said, "You ok? You look kind of sad."

I said, "Actually I just feel really awful."

So we went straight home and I sat down and thought... now how am I going to do my Lenten fast like this? I was almost drunk with dizziness. I sat for a while until the room stopped spinning as much. Then I checked my texts and saw that my mailbox was 98% full. As I was scanning over my messages, making room for future texts I came across one I had sent myself a few days ago. I had saved it until later because it was the email of a woman Heather and I had met last Thursday.

After a very awesome Thursday we had decided to drive up to the next town beyond Newport on Hwy 101. There was a beach there and when we got to town the sun was just setting and we stopped to take pictures and walk along the bay that the city is built on. While we were there a woman came down from a house with her giant, adorable dog. The dog, as if we were old friends, came barreling up to me, almost knocking me over in her excitement to greet me. The woman came with a slightly apologetic looking face behind but when she saw my giant smile she relaxed.

We talked for a while and watched the sun set together. She told Heather and I a little about her life and we shared a little about ours. Her and Heather talked for a while whilst her dog and dug in the sand and cuddled for a little while. Before the sun had completely set she had to go and I asked her for her email so that I could send the pictures we had taken of her puppy to her. I text it to myself.

So today as I ran across it again I thought, I should send those pictures. And tell her how many times she has crossed your mind in the last 3 days. God opened the door for me to share deeply of Himself with someone, even in the midst of my bad reaction to this medication. When I thought despairingly that I would have to ask God to forgive me for not being able to do the fast today, He opened a totally new and unexpected window of reaching out. I could rest when my head hurt and take as much time as I needed to write the e-mail. Something I could not have done in person.

I wrote to her and asked God to orchestrate my fingers as I typed. The Holy Spirit led me to share some of my testimony with her and tell her that I had been praying for her. He also prompted me to ask about her and to hear more about her life, which I had truly wanted to when she had to go a few nights before. Everyone has a story. A wonderful story that is their story... and God wired me with a love to hear them.

Later a friend asked me, was it easier to e-mail or would it have been easier to say everything in person? I thought for a minute. I had thought e-mail would have been easier. No rejection. No awkwardness. But I have learned in the last 5 days that rejection and awkwardness are almost never directed at right at me and almost never really get in the way of what God is trying to do. In person I could have seen her face. I could have prayed with her. She would have responded so I would know how much I could share and how much was too much. And something I realized later, that e-mail is written... so it had to be done just right. Words in conversation can be forgotten or heard by the listener just how they need to be... but words in an e-mail can be read and reviewed. I prayed much while I wrote it and after I sent it... that it would be received well and that it would have the right impact. Now I have to wait for a response.

But what was the same was that I had to put my fears and inhibitions aside and go as deep as God was asking. It still took all of Him and none of me... I would not have been able share that much were it not for God's strength and grace. It was the first e-mail of that depth and infiltrated with that much feeling that I have ever written to a complete stranger. It stretched me to say the least! Especially when I reread it and then had to ask God for the strength to actually click the "send" button!

So what I learned today is that even when I thought I was useless, and failed to trust my God again... He reassured me and made a way. God is NOT the God of second chances, as I have heard it told... He is the God of seemingly endless chances.

Will I ever not need them?? How I wish that could be my offering!

Thank you, Lord. Forgive me again for failing to trust in your provision and let tomorrow be a brand new day! I love you.