Today, I had a break through in my understanding of prayer. I've been praying for it! Haha. I ask the Lord to show me how to pray because I want to pray prayers like I have seen from others I know. Not the actual words themselves, no two people do much of anything exactly the same, but I want to know how to pray as they do. So what did I learn today? I learned that prayer is deep.
The last thing I learned about prayer was straight out the Word! Paul says, "pray unceasingly." So I realized that prayer must mean a whole lot more than words, cause I know I can' t be "talking" to God all day long. But prayer is a communication, not a verbal dialogue. It is more like... a dance.
So whats the combo? My original thought was that I just try to think and act and talk to God as much as I possibly can. Whether I was feeling "close" to Him or off in shallow waters. But I learned today that prayer is supposed to be deep. This doesn't mean, be deep when its time to be deep and take God with me to the shallows... but live, pray and drink deep of God UNCEASINGLY! If prayer is deep, then God is calling me to unceasing depth.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with Di almost a year ago now. I told her I felt like God was calling me to deep water where I couldn't see the land on any side of me. In fact I felt like He was pushing me into the deepest part of the ocean and my choice was to either learn to dive deep with Him or drown. She told me a similar story of her own experience. I was so excited! I didn't know what it meant... but I was excited.
But as time went on, and I realized there was REALLY no life raft near by or shoreline, I kind of started to flounder a little bit. Instead of diving in I learned how to tread water. I don't know if you've ever tread water, but while it is easy at first, it starts to become absolutely exhausting! Why? Because it take so much TEETH GRITTING STRENGTH and WORK! Diving is effortless! The water itself keeps you light and flowing. It moves you. When you dive the water engulfs you... on every side, below you and above you. When you tread water you are trying to stay on top of the water! Even though it is moving you, you stay atop it because you think, in some preposterous way, that you are moving yourself.
After a while I started experimental diving. I'd move down a little bit, move with it, feel it out, get a little spooked and pop back up for some more treading. When you are above the water you can ignore the things you might find in the deep. You can only see the top of the water so you can forget about what might be down there! Those things, of course, are still there. They still surround you. But you can deny them... for a little bit. Diving takes confidence. Confidence in self, but mostly, confidence in God. Confidence that He is gonna keep supplying the air. Confidence that He is gonna show you where to go and how to swim properly. "BLESSED IS THE ONE WHO TRUSTS IN THE LORD, WHOSE CONFIDENCE IS IN HIM." (Jer. 17:7)
I spend more and more time under water now. I am learning to dive deeper! I am learning confidence! There are no more thoughts of shore. I know that. No more looking off in the distance for a boat to jump in and carry me off. God told me last year it wasn't comin'. But if I am to pray unceasingly, and like God has designed me to, I must allow myself to live in the dive! Live, love, pray... deep!
Now that's deep! Hahahaha.
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