Day 12: Summer and bigger things

I am so excited about the prospect of Summer that I can't think of anything else while I sit and blog! The gnats have been out -the "flying teeth" they are called in the South! And, as annoying as they are, they mark the beginning of hot days! Soon it will be too hot for them to swarm the South as badly as they do now. The sun will be out every day. Easter will come! Trips to Florida! I WILL rent a Jet-ski this year! And go fishing! City Camp is coming! Bike riding!

Hahahahaha.

Ok. Got that off my mind a little.

We had church today! Revival starts Monday and one of the priests that will do it this year gave the mass today. Chester, I believe. There are two of them. They're twins! God placed them in ministry together!!! And, if Charles is half as annointed as Chester was today we are gonna SEE SOME REVIVAL! The word we heard today was powerful, but the thing that struck me most, was the conviction I felt when he said "we are so nice about our testimony. Too nice." I'm nice about my testimony. Too nice so often. I worry about offending people. I wonder if I'll say the wrong thing. But I say the wrong things anyway! Am I doing them any good by keeping totally neutral? Am I talkin' for me or for Jesus? I MEAN, WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH?! JESUS IS MY LIFE! THE AIR THAT SUPPLIES ME! THE BLOOD THAT RUNS MY VEINS! AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK OF HIM?! Do I worry if people will like my sister? Am I afraid to talk about her?! Do I withold good stories about my closest friends because I don't know how others will react?! Nooooooo. If I tell people how awesome my sister is and they hate me for it, WOULD I CARE?! ummmmmmmmmmmmmm.... NO! And Jesus is THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE!

Sigh. Oh, God. How sorry I am....

There was a man Morgan and Bonnie and I talked with in Lake Charles, LA. He said, God has told me you have a great purpose, and that He will make you... wait for it... FEARLESS for Him! Not fearless of Him. Fearless FOR Him. Oh how I long to walk in that prophecy! How I long to never disappoint You again, Papa, with my fears. And I'm so fed up with pretending this fear doesn't exist. It is there OK! AND I'M SICK OF IT! Francis Frangipane says in Holiness, Truth and the Presence of God that if we are to make ourselves pure and holy we first have to wash away the cosmetics of our hearts! How can we be humble if all we ever show anyone is our successes and our triumphs. How can we meet the ALMIGHTY, if we don't think there is anything wrong with us! I'm giving this to JESUS! ~Confess your sins... so that you might be healed! James 5:16~

I know there is a time for subtle words. I know there is a time for gentleness and nurturing. But as the great prophets and disciples of the Bible make it clear in their example, there is a time for boldness and truth! And there is a time for the passion of our love for Christ to overcome the niceties of our religiosity. We will not always be given bold words to speak. Sometimes it will be actions. Sometimes it will be worship. Sometimes it will be between me and Him. Sometimes it will be prayers. A gesture. A thought. But if He says speak and I don't... well, God talks about that in His Word. If He says move and I stay...

Lord, MAKE me TRUST in YOU! Take me out of it, so I can't mess it up! Less of me. ALL YOU! Give me the grace I need to have the strength to open that door you knock at.